Understanding Defense Mechanisms: How the Mind Protects Itself

by Maureen Anbar

Often, when someone wants to avoid feeling anxious, sad, or any other negative emotion, the mind unconsciously steps in to help. Defense mechanisms are exactly how they sound: automatic mental habits that protect us from distress. You may be faced with something that brings up uncomfortable feelings, and that discomfort wants to be avoided at all costs. To reduce that tension, your mind might respond with a kind of “defense” to soften or push away what feels too hard to face.

Some people may have a go-to habit of defense, but others may use multiple ways to protect themselves from such discomfort or destabilization in the present. Let's imagine this hypothetical problem, or negative emotion, as a giant elephant in the room. You may recognize yourself or your loved ones in the chart below.

Defense mechanism	Definition	Example
Denial	A refusal to accept reality or acknowledge something painful.	“I don't see an elephant.” Someone drinks heavily every night but insists, “I don’t have a drinking problem, I’m just having fun!”
Repression	An unconscious process that keeps disturbing or threatening thoughts out of awareness. (Different from suppression, which is a conscious decision to avoid thinking about something.)	“I’m going to avoid thinking about the elephant or looking at it, even though it’s going to stick around.” Someone who had harmful experiences as a child might forget significant details to preserve their relationship with loved ones.
Projection	Attributing unwanted thoughts, feelings, or motives to another person.	“This elephant is your problem, not mine! And now you have to deal with it.” A person who is being unfaithful accuses their partner of cheating, even though there’s no evidence.
Displacement	Redirecting strong feelings from the true source to a safer or less threatening target.	“It's your fault I keep having this problem! This elephant being in the middle of my space has nothing to do with it!" After being criticized by their boss, someone goes home and yells at their partner over a minor issue.
Rationalization	Distorting the facts or creating explanations to make a difficult event feel less threatening.	“The elephant isn’t that big, it probably won’t cause any problems… It's not a big deal if it's here." A student fails an exam and says, “That class was pointless anyway. I didn’t need to pass it.”

Although using these strategies may feel necessary in the short-term, they can often lead to longer-term problems. Eventually, that elephant will start to affect your quality of life and relationships. It’s hard to avoid the elephant in the room, whether you’re ignoring it, downplaying its size, or blaming someone else for it.

Defense mechanisms often develop for a reason: they once helped us manage something overwhelming. But over time, they can take up more space and keep us blocked from moving forward. In therapy, our goal isn’t to get rid of them, but to start noticing them with curiosity and compassion.

The best way to handle the elephant in the room is to claim it, accept it, and try your best to understand why it is there. Eventually, after tending to the elephant, it may take a while to get it out of the room because of its size, but once it's tended to, it might be able to shrink down and make its exit.

If you notice your own elephant showing up, try this simple practice:

1. Notice what emotion or thought you’re avoiding.

2. Name the defense you might be using (even a guess helps).

3. Normalize it! Remind yourself it once served a purpose.

4. Choose to take one small action toward facing what’s beneath it.

If you have an elephant of your own and would like help guiding it out the door, I would love to help out! Learn more about me and schedule a consultation call here!