Conflict Isn’t the Problem: What Couples Therapy Is Really About

When couples reach out to me for therapy, they often say something like, “We just need help communicating.”But communication isn’t usually the root issue. It’s the symptom.

Underneath the fights about dishes, schedules, or who’s “always” doing what, there’s usually something much deeper: a longing to feel safe, understood, and connected—but not knowing how to get there.

It’s not about fixing the other person.

Most of us weren’t taught how to do relationships. We repeat patterns we inherited or learned from past experiences. And when things get tense, our nervous systems go into protection mode—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—long before we can “use our tools.”

Couples therapy isn’t just about learning how to talk better. It’s about learning how to be with each other better—especially when things are hard.

What we work on in couples therapy:

• Understanding the why underneath recurring conflicts

• Learning to track your nervous system responses—so you can respond instead of react

• Building the capacity to hear and be heard without defensiveness

• Repairing past ruptures so they stop running the show

• Creating new relational patterns that actually feel good

  
  

You won’t leave every session with a perfectly wrapped-up solution. But over time, you may start to notice a shift: fewer cycles, more clarity, and moments of real connection where there used to be distance.

The relationship isn’t the problem. The stuck patterns are.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s creating enough safety and insight that you can both show up more fully—without getting lost in reactivity or blame.

That’s where the real work (and healing) happens.

Interested in working together? I offer weekly sessions for couples who are ready to move beyond surface-level communication and into something deeper and more sustainable. Reach out for a free consultation on my calendly or email me (amanda@innerguidetherapyla.com) directly to find a time to chat.